“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.”
—Omar Khayyam, 11th-century Persian poet and philosopher
Many of us think happiness is a destination. Something to reach for. We think we can’t be happy yet, because we have to achieve something first, or remove an obstacle, or wait for some date or stage to pass.
“I’ll be happy when…”
I lose weight / I make more money / I get a boyfriend / I finish this work project / this week is over / academic term is over / I graduate from college / I have more money to travel / I get married / I can buy a house / I have kids / my baby is sleeping through the night / my kids are school-aged / my kids are out of the house / I have more time to travel / I have more free time / I can retire.
We imagine some future version of ourselves, an ideal self, some place we will finally arrive after all our striving. One day, we will meet all the requirements. We will be rich, skinny, and blissed-out. We will achieve happiness.
Or maybe we think, the best days of my life have already passed. The happiest times of my life are behind me.
“I was happier when…”
I was skinnier / I had that boyfriend / I was in school / life felt simpler / I was poor / I had more time / I was a child.
Happiness is a practice. It’s available in each moment. And it’s available by choosing to be in the moment, and in our present experience, rather than longing for or ruminating about the past, or worrying about the future1.
Happiness is a choice—not something that happens to us based on our circumstances2.
We also don’t have to be constantly joyful to be happy. Sadness, anger, fear—embracing and truly feeling the variety of our emotions forms the tapestry of our inner lives. When we feel, we are alive. And embracing complexity, the sweet and the sour and everything in between, is part of a deeper sense of what it means to be happy. To have a life rich with experiences and meaning.
I have a friendship right now that I’m really enjoying. I’ve grown close to this person quickly and love the time we spend together. I don’t imagine the future much with them. The present is just so sweet. And I’ve learned from past friendships that things sometimes turn on a dime. So I’m trying to prioritize experience over expectations. I’m trying to get the most out of each day. I want to savor where things are right now while accepting that things will probably change—maybe in a direction that brings continued closeness, maybe not. We get so possessive about our good experiences. We want them to last forever. And they won’t. And that’s okay.
Change is literally baked in to the words we use to describe our emotions3.
And circumstances aren’t the only things that change. We are always changing, throughout our entire lives, even when we think we have reached some final version of ourselves4.
We don’t achieve happiness someday. We don’t have it once and lose it. We choose it now. And we get to keep choosing it. Every moment is another chance.
We choose happiness when we savor the sweet without clinging to it. When we let go of past mistakes or regrets. When we stop longing for some past version of ourselves. When we stop worrying over or wishing for some imagined future. We’re happiest when we feel whole and full5 and grateful6 for the good things in our lives. When we connect with a stranger7. When we feel loved8. When we give love. When we believe we have enough. When we contribute to something larger than ourselves9.
So let’s enjoy every single version of ourselves and one other throughout the unpredictable adventure of living. And let’s choose happiness every day, without making it contingent on anything.
Killingsworth, M., & Gilbert, D. T. (2010). A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science, 330(6006), 932. DOI: 10.1126/science.1192439
Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9, 111–131. DOI: 10.1037/1089-2680.9.2.111
Kirkland, T., & Cunningham, W. A. (2012). Mapping emotions through time: How affective trajectories inform the language of emotion. Emotion, 12(2), 268-282. DOI: 10.1037/a0024218
I wrote this paper during grad school based on my master’s thesis. It’s my favorite. 😊
Quoidbach, J., Gilbert, D. T., & Wilson, T. D. (2013). The end of history illusion. Science, 339, 96-98. DOI: 10.1126/science.1229294
Schwartz, B., Ward, A., Monterosso, J., Lyubomirsky, S., White, K., & Lehman, D. R. (2002). Maximizing versus satisficing: Happiness is a matter of choice. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(5), 1178–1197. DOI: 10.1037//0022-3514.83.5.1178
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389. DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
Sandstrom, G. (2026). Once upon a stranger: The science of how small talk can add up to a big life. Harper-Collins. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/once-upon-a-stranger-dr-gillian-sandstrom
Lyubomirsky, S., & Reis, H. (2026). How to feel loved: The five mindsets that get you more of what matters most. https://howtofeelloved.com/
King, L. A., Hicks, J. A., Krull, J. L., & Del Gaiso, A. K. (2006). Positive affect and the experience of meaning in life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 90(1), 179-196. DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.90.1.179
